I haven't update over a month! Alot had happen... with me, best friend, boyfriend... etc. The month of sept - oct wasn't a good month... so much crying going on but i'm doing fine now. It was my 21st birthday last friday =) I didn't do much just spent it with family and the next day had a mini hang out with some friends. It was a special because some people were busy and etc. It was all good though.

Did I mention it's my senior year in college now? I'm not going to be graduating this june with my other friends who went to college with me.. but it's okay. I'm not upset over it since my school system is a bit crazy. lol. Talking about senior year, my boyfriend is a senior also, he will be graduating this coming june. I'm so happy for him. =) Of course, he will be away for another year which is good because I'll be finishing my other half a semester in the fall. He asked me a question yesterday that I have no idea what kind of answer he wants from me. My best friend asked me this question before... well not ask me but at least told me that this is his last year and he will be coming back. Of course, I waited for 4 years while he is away for college for 10 months every year. of course he comes back once in a while but i rarely see him. This is why I don't like seeing couples on the bus or train.. lol. I just want to let him know how I feel. He's a really great guy. I'm going to miss him if we're not together anymore. I doubt anyone will treat me like he does... I said the same exactly words earlier of this month when I was planning to leave him but I found myself I couldnt because i'll be missing a really great guy and I feel I have a lifetime to know him. I really love him, I really do. I just hope he knows.

imma stop here.. i have so much stuff to staart on lol.. this semester i'm slacking big time. so not movtivated to do anythinggg.. not goooood!

It was only two weeks ago that I wanted to write my blog sadly, it was deleted twice. But it's okay, I remember exactly what happen that day when I was talking to my close friend about someone else. Surprising, she told me to go for the other guy instead of the guy she was supporting before. Strange, but I could understand how and why. It wouldn't matter either way, because last week and this week had shown me alot more about the one he WAS supporting and the one who she IS supporting now.

A lot of things had happen last week and this week. It was all chaos but I'm glad I have my best friend to be there for me when I need her. Of course, I did the same for her. I never seen the both of us was so unhappy for the last past week. It's okay though, we're getting over it and going to begin another chapter. It's okay to fall and get back on yoru feet. Totally fine! Time can really tell, eventhough it might take a long time but evenually it's going to slowly fade. Somehow, its going to be forgotten but your heart will still remember good and bad times of it.

Lately, my single life had occur once again. It's not that I am, just my feeling came back. Why? I have been alone for the last past week; I have no one to talk to except for my best friend who been supporting me and helping me getting through hard times. Somehow, the person who is suppose to be there wasn't. It's not surprising because I got use to the fact this isnt the first time for me. Somehow, I just want to give up and move on in my life. I had cried at night and again saw stains on my pillow even on my blanket. It won't change anything no matter how much I cried. I should've known it wouldn't be easy for me, but I'm trying and trying really hard. Two nights ago, he called after a week of MIA, I saw him online and I thought he was waiting for me since it was pretty late and I wasn't sleeping yet. Instead, he called me just to say hi, nothing else came out of his mouth after except it was silent for a whole good half an hour listening to my playlist and for myself I was reminiscing the past. I was thinking so much that theres too much, not even writing a short novel would finish what is on my mind. I think he knew I was playing unhappy/ songs we had in the past but only asked one question why? I didn't answer because I didn't know how I am suppose to answer it. The same night, I was looking at his pictures thinking to myself how did it even began? How did it all come together? Was it all a fast move? It's wasn't suppose to begin with a tragic story and end with a tragic story too. There isn't a beginning or ending, it just jumped to middle with missing pieces in the scatter all over and it's like a puzzle that someone need to put it all together. It won't be either one of us because I have given up, it's up to him but knowing him pretty well, the pieces wouldn't be together. It's expected I know there wouldn't be an ending, we are just going to leave it on the road out of no where that will not be found.

ughh... I wrote 2 entries and both got deleted.... update next time.

all you wanted...

is there a time when i will not cry when i sing this song?

Just came from Vermont a few days ago. I didn't have much time to blog and I had alot of other stuff to do. Vermont was pretty okay except the house, I did not like it whatsoever!!! It was not clean and I hope next time the owner would change most of the stuff there. It was mostly a family gathering and kids having fun but I noticed most of kids are grown up already which is a good thing I guess. not really meaning i'm getting old =[ its okay i think i'm getting use to the fact that i am getting old haha.

Besides, coming back from Vermont, I had the most craziest situation about myself ever!! I was freaking out... I am still freaking out... I asked my best friend what was wrong with me and what the heck are we doing to ourselves?! We are crazy. I'm telling you are absolute crazy chicas! lol... Oh well, I guess we're improving with our lives =] It's okay, I know we will be crying on each other shoulders if something bad happens. I'm so glad I have her next to me sooo I can tell her anything even its so embarassing... I'm just comfortable with it. Idk about her but its weird when the topic comes up. It's okay we're mature enough.

School starts next week.... of course my vacation is sooo not ending... I'll miss it and I'll be slacking already what's new -_- But, good side, maybe cute boys will be in my class lmao... bad side, last semester, boys who went after me I turn all of them down.. what good am I? rofl... Oh well, I got a bf that doesnt care about me therefore, i get to flirt with whoever I want JUST KIDDING. =]

My boyfriend left on sunday so my last day with him was saturday. I don't know why but I'm not missing him at all. For the last couple of years when he have to go, I'll be crying so much and I would be down at least 2 weeks. This time, when he left, I didnt feel anything. I wasn't sad or unhappy. I just said goodbye and I was fine with everything. Maybe it's because I got use to it already so it doenst effect me anymore. I guess it's a good thing... plus, he doesnt deserve to be miss lol.. thats kuz he was badddd. hehe. just kidding.